The Endless Mind
by Stumblefoot
Summary: COMPLETE. Why can't Beast Boy stop screaming? Sometimes when you're a shape shifter you get more changes than you bargained for. Rated T for occasional mild swearing. BB/Rae. Feedback and reviews always welcome, thank you! - 'Foot
1. Chapter 1

"SHUT UP!" Beast Boy screamed.

At least they thought it was Beast Boy. It was his voice, and it was coming from inside his bedroom. But it was after three in the morning, and from where Cyborg and Raven were outside his door they could only hear the scream. The muffled sounds before and after – talking? Moving around? – weren't clear.

Raven shivered. She'd known Beast Boy for a long time. She'd seen him in a fit of rage, badly injured, half-crazy with fear, and never heard him sound that way. His voice had a note of absolute despair, like a lost soul. "What's wrong with him?" she whispered.

Cyborg glanced at her from where he stood examining a readout panel for Beast Boy's room. "I was hoping you'd tell me," he said, also keeping his words quiet. "That's why I woke you up first. Is – anything – in there with him?"

That had been the first thing Raven had done after Cyborg had knocked on her door twenty minutes ago, not explaining much, only asking for her help. Eyes sandy with sleep, stumbling along the corridors, a cloak thrown over her t-shirt and sweats, she'd nonetheless automatically reached out with her mind, seeking the bright sparks of life in the still darkness of Titans Tower.

Cyborg walking beside her, concerned, not entirely awake himself. Starfire and Robin, asleep in their rooms.

And Beast Boy. Asleep as far as she could tell, but restless. Something troubling him, but he was definitely alone.

"There's no one there but him," she said. Her normally low voice was even more scratchy and strained than usual, betraying her fatigue. She cleared her throat and shook herself, trying to wake up. "Is he having a dream?"

Cyborg shrugged. It was so late that only the dim white emergency lights of the corridor exit signs were on, and she could only see the red gleam of his robotic eye and a glint off the metal of one shoulder as he turned back to the panel. "That's what I thought at first. He's been yelling in his sleep and setting off the floor alarms for a few days. I figured it was nightmares. He has them sometimes." He shrugged again. "You know."

Reluctantly she nodded. Being who they were, doing what they did, they all had nightmares. Even Robin probably did, though he'd rather eat his mask than admit it. "Then why -"

"Because there's a difference between setting off an alarm a couple times and setting it off for three hours," Cyborg said flatly. "I asked BB yesterday if he was having bad dreams and he denied it. I think he was telling the truth – I don't think he remembered – but he looked bad."

Raven thought back. Beast Boy had seemed quieter than usual, but she hadn't bothered to wonder why, just appreciated the absence of the jokes and stupidity that grated on her nerves at the best of times.

"I thought I might have missed something that you could detect," Cyborg continued, "and I didn't want to wake everybody up and make this a big deal. But if you're saying he's alone -"

Beast Boy screamed again. They thought they heard words but it was hard to tell, the screaming almost animal, trailing off into a muffled howl.

Cyborg cursed. "That's it." He held out his left hand and pressed the knuckle of his thumb. His thumbnail, a small square of metal, slid sideways and popped out with an audible click. He removed it and showed it to Raven. "Master key. When I swipe this to open the door, the alarm will go off in Robin's room. You wake Beast Boy up and I'll explain to Robin what's going on. Not that I know."

The door slid open, revealing Beast Boy's room, a mess as usual. Enough of Jump City's light pollution came through the window to reveal both the clothes and other things scattered all over the floor and Beast Boy himself.

He was twisting on his bed, muttering, his blankets heaped around him. "Shut up," he said gutturally, over and over, "Shut up..."

Raven approached the bed cautiously. "Beast Boy?"

He didn't respond and she touched him with her thoughts. He was so heavily asleep he seemed paralyzed, struggling to awaken, thrashing through his nightmare.

She leaned over him, tapping his shoulder. "Beast Boy." His mumbling increased. He was stuck. There was no way she could do this gently. Vaguely she heard Cyborg and Robin talking behind her as she laid her palm against Beast Boy's forehead and said loudly, both directly to his mind and in his room,

"Wake up!"

Beast Boy jerked awake, his eyes wide. His normally green bright skin had an ugly gray cast underneath as he sat bolt upright and looked around wildly. Cyborg was right, he did look bad. Finally his darting eyes noticed Raven, but instead of relaxing as he fully awoke he tensed further. Abruptly he bounced out of bed and to his feet, his hair disheveled, his tank top and sweats askew. Staring at Raven, his breathing ragged, he grabbed her cloak and pulled her toward him.

"Raven... make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!"


	2. Chapter 2

Startled, Raven automatically stepped backwards, but Beast Boy yanked her toward him with surprising strength. She could feel his arms trembling as his hands fisted tighter in the heavy material of her cloak. "Please.. make it stop!"

Raven pushed at him harder as he refused to let go. "What are you talking about? Make what stop?"

"I can't.. they won't stop. They won't stop!" Beast Boy clutched at her cloak like he was drowning, pulling hard enough to make her stumble. His green eyes were glazed, his face shiny with sweat. "I can't make them. Please! Those others – get them -"

Raven struggled against him, starting to panic, feeling her control beginning to slip. This was so unlike Beast Boy that she felt almost trapped in a nightmare herself. "Let me go! I can't help you if -"

Then Robin was there, getting her away, and Cyborg was lifting Beast Boy, trying for a teasing note that struck a little false. "Hey, Grass Stain, what did I tell you about eating half a pizza before bed?"

Taken away from Raven, Beast Boy went berserk. Screaming, he tried to launch himself at her. Cyborg held him, grimacing as Beast Boy's flailing arms occasionally hit him in the face. Robin made sure that Raven was behind him, then asked over his shoulder, "Are you okay?"

Raven straightened her cloak, murmuring a mantra to herself and trying to calm her breathing. Her heart slammed in her chest and she felt like she was sweating adrenalin. "I think so. What's the matter with him?"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

Did everyone in the world think she had a line on Beast Boy's psyche? "I hate to disappoint you," she said, relieved that her voice was getting back to its usual dry sarcasm, "But I have no idea."

"Can you calm him down?"

"I don't think so."

Robin eyed Beast Boy, who had been screaming for so long that his voice was little more than a hoarse scrape. "I don't think I can either – damn. Star, please knock him out. Gently."

There was a brief flash of light and Beast Boy finally stilled.

A small voice came from the doorway. "I do not like hurting my friends."

Robin rubbed the back of his neck. Raven had recovered enough to be amused at his incongruous mask-and-pajamas combination, but his voice was all business as he continued, "I think we were getting to the point that it was him or us, Star. Cyborg, let's get him up to the ward. We need to figure this out."

Fifteen minutes later Beast Boy was on a gurney, everybody was in the infirmary, and Robin and Raven were arguing.

"I am _not_ scanning him," Raven insisted. "What if he wakes up again? What if he attacks me again?"

"If he does, we'll just do what we did before," Robin said patiently. "I'll protect you and Cyborg will protect him."

"Until Starfire has to blast him again? How many times are we going to do that?"

"I do not like this plan," Starfire volunteered. "It was most difficult to shoot him the first time."

"Compromise," Cyborg said, stepping between Robin and Raven. "I don't like giving B drugs because his biochemistry's so weird, but I've got a sedative that should work all right. I'll give him a small dose. Raven scans him. If he wakes up, he'll still be punchy enough that nobody will have to blast anybody and maybe we can talk him down. Okay, Star?"

Starfire nodded. Cyborg turned to Robin and Raven. "Okay?"

Raven hesitated. Robin said, "We've got to find out what's wrong with him, Raven."

Everything was quiet for a minute, then Raven took a deep breath and nodded. "All right."

"Okay. Robin, you monitor the vitals board. Star, I want you watching Raven and B. Raven, flip your communicator."

As Cyborg administered the sedative, Raven pulled a chair close to Beast Boy's gurney and settled herself. She took off her communicator and tapped on the front and back, watching as its glow turned from red to blue. She refastened it to her cloak where it immediately began transmitting her vital signs to the infirmary's main screen.

She looked up at Cyborg, who was waiting by the gurney. "How long do I have?"

He lifted a shoulder. "Hour, maybe. No more. I'm being careful with the dose. If you run into trouble -" he grinned – "I've got a stinky pill just for you."

Raven made a face. Cyborg and Beast Boy had accidentally discovered (while pulling a prank) that an ammonia caplet popped under Raven's nose would immediately awaken her from any psychic activities, leaving her disoriented but unhurt. Except for a day's worth of smelling nothing but ammonia. "I'll keep it to thirty minutes."

She raised her hood and slumped down in the chair, closing her eyes. The beeping and rushing of air in the infirmary gradually faded away as she turned her attention inward, seeking one of the minds closest to her (closer than she cared to admit), trying to find his home...

Raven opened her eyes. She was standing in the common room of Titans Tower, every square inch of the window glass outside was covered with human figures, and they were all screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

Raven stared. There must have been hundreds of human figures – shadowy, sketchy outlines, but certainly human – pressing against the glass. Even who-knows-how many feet above the island that housed the tower, they still pressed and crawled against the windows, striking the glass, kicking at it, punching it. And the entire time the screaming – a thin, high wail with occasional speech – continued.

It seemed to be English, but she couldn't make it out. Raven stepped forward, pulling her hood down, straining to make sense of the words...

It was like being hit with an steel bar. The sound suddenly became so loud it was a physical force, knocking her to her knees. It pounded against the rhythm of Raven's heart, trying to drown her in its surge. Thirty long seconds of fighting elapsed before Raven could raise a shaky hand and summon a black wall of energy around herself.

The noise stopped as if a switch had been thrown, though the shield trembled slightly from the pandemonium outside. Raven stayed on her knees and braced her hands against the floor, gasping for breath. _Death by screaming. No wonder he's losing it. _

Eventually she was able to push herself to her feet, cautiously keeping the shield in place, and turn her back to the windows, looking for Beast Boy. She didn't have to look far. He was curled up in a ball on the couch, hands ineffectively over his ears, shivering.

Raven sat down on the couch, extending the shield of energy to include the small figure. It should stopped the sounds for him as it did her, but he didn't move, either too unconscious -

- _or drugged? Or dying?_ -

- to respond.

Raven put her hand to Beast Boy's forehead and steeled herself for an attack, then touched his mind with a burst of energy. "Wake up!"

This time Beast Boy did not jerk awake. Instead his entire body relaxed with relief as he became conscious enough to know the hammering of sound had stopped. A moment later, he opened one eye. " ... Raven?"

"Yes."

"Are we in my head - are you in here with me?"

"Yes."

Beast Boy straightened up, wincing at pain in muscles which had been tensed for hours. "Did you make it stop?"

"The screaming people? No." Raven pointed at the window, which gleamed in weird black and white patterns through her energy field. "I shielded us."

To her shock, tears filled Beast Boy's eyes and he quickly looked away from her, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Dude.. Raven... I thought it would never end. I was about to... the only thing I could think of is maybe you could make them go away. I had a nightmare where you woke me up, and you wouldn't help me, and I..." He sighed shakily and stared past her, at the windows. "I was afraid to change into something with better hearing, and I was afraid to change into something that couldn't hear, because then they might break through, and I'd never..." He started rocking back and forth on the couch, thin arms wrapped around his knees. "But they just won't _stop_ and I don't know what they _want_..."

As he spoke his voice got higher, and shriller, and his rocking became frantic.

_Let me_, Affection whispered to Raven. _Let me talk to him_.

Unsure of what else she could do, Raven withdrew. As she shifted her consciousness she felt the familiar flow of energy, then the chilly heaviness, as she gave up control of her body and let one of her other sides take over.

_Talk only_, Raven hissed to Affection. _You can __**talk**__ to him_.

Affection laughed, a sound unusual enough that it broke though Beast Boy's panic. He stopped rocking and gaped at her. "All right." Her voice had the same low timbre as Raven's but with more warmth; the serenity of relaxation instead of the tight calmness of someone keeping herself under constant, strict control.

"Beast Boy," she said gently, "They can't get through the shield. You can't even hear them, can you? Isn't it quiet?"

Beast Boy raised his tear-streaked face to look at the window. "I - I guess... can't you make it stop?"

"Not yet." Affection took Beast Boy's hand and laughed again when Raven made a disgusted noise. "I need you to be calm, so we can talk about it. And then we can fix it."

Beast Boy looked down at their entwined fingers, then back at her face. "Um... are you really Raven?"

Affection smiled. "I am Ai."

"I am I? What does that mean?"

"Just what I said." Affection squeezed his hand. "Daisuki desu," she added, and winked at him.

_**I am never letting you out again!**_ Raven yelled.

Beast Boy, his hysteria fading but his confusion pretty much total, kept watching her, bewildered. "You're one of the other ones... where's Raven?"

"She's right here." Affection squeezed his hand once more and let it go. "Are you all right?"

Beast Boy swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I think so. I want to talk to Raven."

"Okay." Affection sat facing him, so Beast Boy saw her eyes change from a lighter violet to a dark, stormy shade, her smile shift to an scowl, and her face flush a dull red. Raven coughed. "That - that was not what I intended."

"I don't-"

"Let's talk about something else," Raven snapped. "Anything else. Like why there are screaming people climbing all over the tower."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Note: **I'm sorry these chapters are so short. I work long hours and when I come home I write until I'm calm enough to go to bed. So the chapters will be limited but there will also be frequent updates. Your kind words do me so much good. Thank you. _

"Dude, I don't know," said Beast Boy. "It started about a week ago. I started hearing... voices. And I know what that sounds like," he added hastily. "For a while it just sounded like people talking. And then it started getting louder and louder. And there were more and more of them. And I could never understand what they were saying."

"And this has been going on for a week?"

"A week maybe. It's been getting worse." Beast Boy paused. "Eventually I decided to try to talk to them, but as soon as it I did, it got so loud, I couldn't even – I couldn't even think straight."

Raven glared at him. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Beast Boy glared back. "Because I thought I was going crazy. I didn't want you to know." He stood up and tried to pace inside the little bubble of energy. "I still think I am."

Raven shook her head. "No."

Her voice was so sure that Beast Boy stopped in mid-step. "How can you know? Just like that?"

Raven gestured at the window. "Because we're both seeing the same thing. Because those are strangers out there and not hundreds of copies of The Beast. Because you're doubting. Because this just... doesn't feel like you." She leaned back against the couch and stared, unseeing, out the window, where the human figures still crawled, silent as long as the two of them were in the energy shield. "You are too apart from this for it to be you losing your mind. Being insane leaches into your brain and changes you completely, or it splits you into parts. It can give you a fear that can drive you completely out of yourself, or a despair that will make you forget every second of your life, forever." One side of Raven's mouth quirked up, and her bitter smile made Beast Boy's stomach hurt as she continued, "I know all about insanity. This isn't it."

"What, then?" Beast Boy said, exasperated, frustrated by both Raven's words and the look on her face. "Is it an attack? Is someone trying to drive me nuts?"

"Who would bother?" Raven muttered to herself, but she considered it. Finally she said, "I don't think so."

"Great," Beast Boy grumbled, flopping back down on the couch beside her. "Great. We still don't know anything."

"We know it's not psychological," Raven said. "I'm almost sure it's not an attack. We need to see if it's something physical. But I can't do that here. I'll - "

Beast Boy grabbed her arm. "Wait! If you leave, your shield leaves, and I'll have to listen to the screaming again, and it will ..."

Just thinking about the return of the sound, Raven saw, was enough to make Beast Boy's breathing quick and shallow, and his eyes wide. He was already close to panic. As gently as she could she removed his hand from her arm. "Then you have two choices. I can try to leave you here with a shield but I don't know how well it'll work. Or..."

"Or..?"

"Or you can take a nice long sleep until we get this figured out."

"Sleep?" Beast Boy said hopefully. His shoulders sagged. "No, I can't, they'd get in, they'd kill me, they'd kill me!"

"No!" Raven said, louder than she intended, then more quietly, "No. You'll be safe. You'll be far away from the noise, and that's what's hurting you. As soon as we know what's wrong I'll come get you."

Beast Boy looked up at her from where he sat, huddled on the couch, and said in a small voice, "Promise?"

Raven abruptly turned away. He was so young and so scared, and even knowing what she was he would still trust her even though he was afraid he would die... she didn't want to feel this, she **didn't**... "Of course," she said coldly. "Are you ready?"

Beast Boy nervously waited, bracing himself for the return of the hundreds of screaming voices. On an impulse Raven removed her cloak and gave it to him, trying to ignore his grateful look as he curled up under it, cursing herself while Affection laughed and laughed. "Close your eyes and count backwards from ten."

He closed his eyes and began counting, When he got to five, Raven put her hand on his shoulder and quickly dropped him into a deep unconsciousness. She looked around at the energy bubble, then at the window. "And now we test the theory."

When she dropped the energy shield the sound was loud, but not painful as it had been before. Raven glanced at Beast Boy. He hadn't moved. He was safe for now.

Tired, unhappy with the few answers she had gotten, Raven shut her eyes and shifted away, back to Titans Tower.

-T-T-T-T-T

Cyborg restlessly tapped he monitor console as he leaned against it. "Not psychological."

"No," Raven said.

"Not an attack."

"No. I'm almost sure."

"Then what? –"

"We'll have to do a brain scan," Robin said.

"I know," Cyborg said gloomily. "Man! Why can't it be something simple for once, like him staying an elephant for too long and having a snout for a week? Or the time he turned into a – "

"Please – "

Robin, Cyborg, and Raven turned to Starfire where sat beside Beast Boy's gurney, guarding him as she had when Raven had begun her scan. "Please," she said again, "What animals of Earth are telepaths?"


	5. Chapter 5

_Note to self: do not ever say that upates will be frequent, because Madame Fortuna is always waiting around the corner with a grim smile and a frying pan. I'll just get on with it, shall I? _

Robin blinked. "Telepaths? None, Star. On this planet telepathy is considered a power, it's not a regular occurrence."

"Yeah," Cyborg cut in. "There's been some evidence of neurological activity in some mammals that could indicate telepathic possibilities, but so far -"

He stopped so abruptly that Raven, who had been idly watching the vital signs monitor, looked at him to see what was wrong. Cyborg was standing stock still, stunned. Then he slowly grinned and turned to Starfire. "Star, you're a genius."

"I am?" Starfire asked, delighted.

"Yes. Even if I'm wrong about this you're a genius – it flew right past me." Cyborg raised his voice. "JEEVES!"

A flat, metallic voice with an English accent came from the speakers in the ceiling – the computer's voice interface. _"Yes?" _

"Search video index, combat, date minus 30. Results infirmary monitor one."

"_Target?" _

"Beast Boy."

"_Tracking activity?" _

"Power manifest."

"_Level specific?" _

"Uh..." Cyborg drummed his fingers on the monitor console. "Family."

"_Stand by." _

Still smiling, Cyborg leaned over and high-fived Robin where he waited, leaning against the wall. "Had no idea that it would come in handy this quick, did you?"

Robin grinned himself. "Nope." He turned to Raven and Starfire. "Cyborg and I built a search system for our combat footage. We can get a log of whenever someone manifests their powers. We figured it would come in useful if someone gets hurt, suddenly loses control..."

"Starts doing the same moves over and over and lets their tactics get too obvious," Cyborg added.

"Wait a minute," Raven said. "Robin, you don't have powers like the rest of us. How is it tracking you?"

Robin coughed, his face a little pink. Cyborg smirked. "We set the performance of Olympics-level decathletes as a baseline. Whenever Robin beats that either through his vitals or activity, he's manifesting powers to the indexer."

Raven raised her eyebrows. "And this would be how often?"

"About seventy-five percent of a given engagement, which is about how often the rest of us use our powers. That's how we settled on it."

"How wonderful!" Starfire exclaimed. "Robin, you must show me your decathlete performance before our next combat."

Robin's cough now sounded more like he was strangling, and Raven was grateful when the voice of the computer said, _"Index complete. List to monitor one, infirmary."_

Immediately the screen started filling up with text so fast that it flashed by in a blur, too quickly for Raven to follow. Cyborg, however, whistled as he followed the lines flashing by on the screen. "Wow. Jeeves, Beast Boy manifest summary, family and genus, date minus 30."

The text on the screen vanished and was replaced by one large block. Cyborg scanned it. "Jeeves, Beast Boy manifest comparison, order primate, date minus 30 versus date minus 365."

Now numbers filled the screen. Cyborg turned back to Robin. "Look at that, man."

Robin nodded, not able to read the text as quickly as Cyborg but getting the gist of it. "I can't believe I missed it."

Impatiently Raven said, "I'm sure Starfire and I would be very impressed if we had any idea what you were talking about."

"Star tipped me off," Cyborg said, distracted, still looking at the screen. "Good question about telepathic animals. It made me wonder if B was shifting into animals that would disrupt him neurologically."

He pointed at the monitor. "The manifest index for the last 30 days shows an unusually high number of shifts to primates and other forms of mammals with more complex brains. In fact, it's an increase of forty percent compared with the way he's used his power over the last year."

Robin frowned. "That's odd. I wonder if shifting to those forms more frequently means he's getting more used to The Beast?"

"Why not just turn into The Beast, then?"

"He's never felt comfortable using that shape – he's never felt like he had control. Changing to these great apes might be his way of trying -"

"Excuse me," Raven said, in her driest, most toneless, I-Am-Going-To-Start-Blasting-Things-Any-Second voice, "You were explaining."

"Sorry," Cyborg said, straightening and turning away from the monitor. "Basically, Beast Boy's been turning into a lot of higher-order animals with complicated brains. What we could be seeing is hyper neural development – his physiology reacting to the changes he's put it through."

Starfire asked, "Beast Boy is telepathic?"

Robin exchanged glances with Cyborg. "That's one possibility – that the large number of shifts have stimulated his brain development such that he's developing a rudimentary telepathic ability. He's hearing 'chatter' all around him that he can't shut out. Or he could be hearing 'echoes' from his overactive neural pathways, and he can't shut that out either. Functional neuroimaging should confirm the hyperdevelopment, but not whether he's telepathic or not."

Raven tried to imagine a telepathic Beast Boy. It didn't work. "Is this permanent?"

"If Cyborg is right, probably not," Robin said. "If he stops using his powers for a while, the neural over-activity should stop by itself. In the meantime, we have two choices." He looked at Beast Boy, still sunk deep in Raven-induced unconsciousness. "We leave him in a coma until his brain activity has calmed enough for him to be functional."

Cyborg shook his head. "I don't like that. It could be weeks, or months. We'd have to have someone guarding him every time we have to leave. That would cripple the team."

"Then there's option two," Robin said. "He gets emergency training from someone to control what's going on inside his head. He might not be able to participate in missions with us, but nobody would have to stay to guard him."

Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg all looked at Raven.


	6. Chapter 6

"Raven -"

"No."

"Raven -"

"No!"

"Raven -"

"NO!"

Alarmed at how loud Raven's voice was, Robin looked across the ward to where Beast Boy lay still and small upon a hospital gurney. Beast Boy didn't stir. And though Raven knew that she was the one who had put her teammate into his deep unconsciousness and very little would wake him before she brought him back, she still made an effort to lower her voice and stay calm. The tension pulled her throat tight as she half-whispered, "Beast Boy has the attention span of a fruit fly. Even when he knew how necessary it is for me to meditate, he never took it seriously. How do you think I'm going to teach him anything if he acts like that?"

Robin glanced over at Beast Boy again, then turned toward the door. "Let's go out in the hallway."

The hallway was better. Raven could pace and didn't have to endure Starfire's anxious stare or Cyborg's considering gaze. Robin grabbed a chair, tilted it against the wall, and made himself comfortable. "Okay, start over."

"I can't teach him," Raven said through clenched teeth.

"You taught Starfire," Robin said mildly.

"True," Raven retorted. "But she wanted to be taught. And her warrior training makes it possible for her to focus when she needs to, despite the way she acts sometimes. And she just wanted to learn to meditate! She wasn't trying to learn how to ignore a thousand screaming voices in her head!"

"Don't you think Beast Boy might have a little incentive to learn, now? Don't you think he might be able to take you seriously considering what's happening to him?"

"Maybe - maybe - would it be enough?" Raven ran her hands through her short hair and resisted the urge to pull up her hood, wrap her cloak around herself, and vanish. "Robin, you don't know what you're asking. You're asking me to work with Beast Boy, in his mind! - You're asking me to -"

There was a long silence, broken only by Raven's footsteps and the rustle of her cloak as she stalked back and forth. Finally Robin sighed.

"Raven, of all the tough conversations I've had with you - I don't even know how to say this. So I'll just say it. Is this something you can't do because of the way you and Beast Boy feel about each other?"

Raven stopped dead, her back to Robin, and he saw her fists clench. Then she turned so suddenly that Robin jumped and his chair fell over, sending him sprawling to the floor. Raven's cloak seemed to billow out, blocking the overhead lights in the hallway, and her eyes flickered red as she towered over him, hands still balled into fists, and shouted, "I do not feel any way about him I do not I do NOT I_** DO NOT**_ - "

Robin rolled to the side and got to his feet in one movement, hands held out placatingly. "Raven! Raven! All right. All right. You don't. Okay." Raven stood staring at him, breathing hard, trembling all over. Robin waited to see if she would calm down, but even when she didn't, he felt compelled to continue, "Let me ask it a different way. Is it because of the way he feels about you?"

She said nothing. Raven might have been a statue, no longer shaking, not moving at all, just staring at him. Eventually she started to speak but was quelled by the white stare of Robin's mask as he said softly, "We don't have time to argue about how you feel. And I'm not the right one to talk with you about it anyway. But – please – don't try to lie for Beast Boy."

Raven bit her lip and turned away from him, seeming to shrink. She raised her hood and pulled her cloak tightly around herself, covering her face.

Robin stayed where he was, not wanting to crowd her. "Raven, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to upset you. I'm trying to help. Something's really wrong with Beast Boy and I thought – we thought – you could do something. But if it's not possible -"

Suddenly restless, he started following Raven's track up and down the hallway. "I can't even begin to understand how your powers work, or what you have to do to control them, So if you can't do this, you can't. We'll get Zatanna or the Martian Manhunter or somebody. You don't have to."

"Just -" Raven's voice was so low and hoarse Robin had to strain to hear it. "Just give me a minute."

"Okay," Robin said, "Okay. All the time you need." He thought about patting her shoulder, decided it would be a terrible idea, and went to recover his chair and sit back down.

Raven, hiding in her cloak, shuddered and closed her eyes. _I can't do this,_ she thought,_ I can't, I need help – _

She felt a familiar swirl of energy and a shift in her awareness, and wasn't surprised when she opened her eyes to see herself surrounded by several cloaked figures. The closest, wearing yellow, stepped up to Raven and pulled her hood down.

"We'll all decide," said Wisdom.


	7. Chapter 7

Raven felt the gazes of the hooded figures on her, but no one had anything to say, except the one in the orange cloak.

"You blew that, didn't you?" sneered Rude, pushing back her hood. She looked like Raven, except for a lip curled in contempt and narrowed, angry eyes. "Maybe you ought to switch cloaks with her –" she pointed to Timid, a slight figure in gray who cringed, mumbling apologies – "and leave the team! Obviously you don't -"

"Shut up," said Raven dangerously, moving forward.

Wisdom stepped between them. "I said we'd decide, not fight. Rude, stop. Timid, calm down, nobody's going to hurt you. Brave, Joy, there is to be no fighting." Wisdom's lieutenants – Joy in pink and Brave in green – nodded. "Who will speak for helping Beast Boy?"

"I will," said Brave fiercely. "He fought for us and we have to fight for him. If we don't we're cowards."

Joy nodded. "I will! He tells funny jokes."

Raven rolled her eyes.

Affection, in a purple cloak, laughed softly. "I will. I care for him." Raven glared. Affection smiled back, unperturbed. "He needs us. And in our way, we need him."

Rude made gagging noises. Wisdom looked at her. "Who will speak against helping Beast Boy? Do you?"

"I do!" Rude spat. "He doesn't respect us. He wrecks our things and acts like a jerk."

"I-I-I-I – " Timid started but couldn't finish; she kept stuttering as everyone watched her. Wisdom waited patiently. "I do. We might get hurt. He might get hurt. Those screaming people – it's dangerous. We shouldn't."

Rage growled, flickers of red showing inside her hood as she lifted her glowing eyes – all four of them – and stared at Raven's other sides. "_I do. He helped trap me, shut me away. This life is false and limited but I have as much right to it as you._" She looked at each of them in turn until her eyes rested on Timid. "_And more right than __**you**_," she snarled, and Timid hid behind Brave.

Only one of Raven's sides hadn't answered. Sloth, in brown, stood watching lazily. Wisdom raised her voice slightly. "And you, Sloth?"

Sloth shrugged, then burped. Joy giggled. "Slug stays neutral."

Wisdom's eyes swept the group. "A tie." She said to Raven kindly, "No wonder you can't decide."

"You'll notice," Raven pointed out, "That a decision still hasn't been reached."

"I have yet to vote," said Wisdom. "And I say we help him. Regardless of what we feel about him, to not help is to damage our team, and that we cannot do. Raven, you have to assist."

Vote taken, decision made, there was nothing more to discuss. Raven nodded and backed away, feeling her focus shift back to the external world. The last thing she saw wasRude shaking her head angrily and Rage hissing, while Timid cowered behind Brave.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Robin, of course, was aware of none of this. He just saw Raven standing still, swaying a little, occasionally mumbling. Abruptly she snapped to attention and said clearly, "All right."

"All right?" He said cautiously. "You'll help?"

"Yes," she said, already walking through the doors of the ward.

"Now?"

"Starting now," she replied, "Before I lose my nerve."

Inside Raven's mind, Timid wailed.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

It had been less than two hours since Cyborg had given Beast Boy the last dose of sedative, and he was reluctant to try again so soon.

"You don't have to," Raven said, settling in the chair by the gurney, "He won't need it. And besides, it makes him too emotional."

Cyborg lifted one eyebrow and asked dryly, "Says who?"

Raven ignored this and said to Robin, "If we're both not back in an hour, something's wrong. Use one of those ammonia pills."

This time, since she knew what to expect, Raven was neither shocked nor overwhelmed by the screaming figures. Watching them with her newfound knowledge, it made sense that they might be the thoughts of the millions of people in Jump City. It was even possible that they were echoes of Beast Boy's own thoughts. That would explain that his putting more energy into trying to hear them could make them even worse.

Beast Boy was still asleep on the couch, still under Raven's cloak. (Raven had noticed that she had reappeared in Beast Boy's mind without one, but had conjured up another. If she didn't have enough skill to make herself a cloak in someone's mind, she said to her selves wryly, she didn't have any business teaching anyone anything.)

Raven put a bubble of energy around herself and the couch and sat down beside Beast Boy. Tapping Beast Boy's forehead with two fingers she said briefly, "Wake up."

Beast Boy rolled over and yawned, then opened his eyes. "Raven! Have you left yet?" His eyes flickered to outside the energy field, where the screaming humans continued their endless crawl over the glass. He tensed and forced himself to look away.

Raven pretended not to notice. "Yes. We think we know what's wrong. How do you feel?"

Beast Boy sat up and threw out his arms in a wide stretch that knocked Raven's hood sideways. "Whoops – sorry. Dude, I feel great! I got to sleep, really sleep – I felt like I hadn't in years! When's breakfast?"

"Not yet. Listen." Raven explained what Robin and Cyborg had discovered.

Beast Boy's mouth hung open. "Dude! I did this to myself? By turning into a gorilla too many times? So I can't turn into a – but what if –"

"Don't ask me," Raven snapped, "I don't know any more than you do. The point is, this will wear off if you don't use your powers for a while." _We think_, she added silently. "And until then –"

Beast Boy suddenly became gloomy. "Until then I have to listen to the voices? No way, it'll make me crazy again – I can't-"

"No," Raven said, cutting him off, "Until then I – I teach you. I show you how to control it. Until it stops."

Beast Boy stared at her. "You? Teach me? Like how to meditate and everything and Azarath Metrion Zinthos and all that?"

Raven grimaced. "Yes."

He kept staring at her. Then suddenly, Beast Boy fell back against the couch and started laughing, laughing so hard he could barely breathe.


	8. Chapter 8

"What's so funny?" Raven asked coldly.

"Me doing all that!" Gasping for air, Beast Boy sat up on the couch, arranged himself into what he thought was a suitable pose, and started chanting, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos" in a serious tone that was as deep as his slightly squeaky voice would go. He only lasted about thirty seconds before he fell back laughing again.

_I knew he would be like this_, Rude fumed. _He always – _

"Acts like a jerk," Raven muttered, finishing the thought.

Beast Boy caught that and, sitting up, tried his hardest to stop laughing, "Aw, c'mon. Raven! You know I can't do that! It'd be stupid."

"As stupid as what?" Raven asked sharply. "As stupid as leaving you in a coma until this problem goes away? As stupid as Cyborg sedating you every hour so you don't go crazy in your room? As stupid as having to leave someone with you every time we go on a mission and splitting the team in half? _That_ stupid?"

"Um..." Beast Boy finally sobered as the consequences dawned on him. His shoulders slumped, the tips of his ears drooped, and he looked at her sheepishly. "Maybe not _that_ stupid..."

Raven folded her arms. "So if it's not _that_ stupid..."

"Then I guess I better learn," Beast Boy finished. "But, Raven, what if I can't? All that kind of stuff isn't really... me."

"Then we go to other options," Raven said flatly. "Like the sedation or the sleep. Or we get someone else to teach you. There are some people in the Justice League..."

"No," Beast Boy said, "I want you to do it. If you can," he added, "I don't know if it'll work... I get mixed up..." he shook himself all over, summoned a big fake smile, and asked brightly, "So when do we start?"

"First we wake you up," Raven said, "Then we get breakfast, and then we start." She stood up. "Wait here."

The room vanished, and Raven found herself once again sitting by the gurney, Cyborg at the monitor board, Robin at the door, Starfire guarding Beast Boy. She resisted the urge to yawn – what time _was_ it, anyway? – and said, "We can wake him now."

T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T

"Easy, man, easy." Cyborg helped Beast Boy sit up. "How you doing?"

Beast Boy winced and put a hand to his head. "It's loud. It's really loud."

Cyborg looked at Raven. "Half dose hurt anything?"

"Probably not." Raven rolled her shoulders and tried to work the stiffness out of her back. Popping in and out of other people's heads wasn't particularly physical labor, but it was exhausting. Getting only a few hours of sleep beforehand didn't help either.

"Starfire, hand me that pan – B, hold still. It's a half-dose of sedative, turn down the noise a little – move over here."

Cyborg stepped away, leaving Beast Boy sitting on the gurney, hands braced, with his legs dangling over the side. They stood watching him and it was clear when the drug took effect; Beast Boy's whole body relaxed and he started swinging his legs. "That better?"

"Yeah," Beast Boy said, smiling, his eyes a little glazed, "It's further away."

"Think you can stand up?"

"Sure." Beast Boy pushed himself off the gurney, but as soon as his feet hit the floor he started to collapse. Cyborg caught him easily and pulled him upright. "Ooops."

"He needs something to eat," Raven said. "Let me shower and change and I'll meet you in the common room."

Robin followed her out the door. "Raven -"

She cut him off. "I know. I'm sorry. I just don't – I don't like -"

"It's all right," Robin said. "I just wanted to say thanks. Good job."

"I haven't done anything yet."

Robin smiled. "I think with this, everything's going to be a big accomplishment."

T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T

Taking a hot shower and changing into her uniform woke Raven up a little, but it was no substitute for the sleep she'd missed. She stumbled blearily along the corridor, keeping her hood up to block out the early morning sunlight that slanted through the tower windows.

Beast Boy was finishing breakfast as she entered the common room. "Raven! I have extra tofu bacon!"

Her stomach flipped. "Toast and herbal tea," she mumbled, heading for the bread box.

"Got it right here," Cyborg said, waving her over to the table. "Two slices wheat, a cup of that green mint stuff."

Raven sat down and picked up the tea, holding it, hoping the warmth would wake her up. "Thanks. Where's Robin and Starfire?"

"Went back to bed. You need them for anything?"

"No." Raven took a slice of toast. "Just wondered."

Cyborg and Beast Boy went back to talking, speculating about why Beast Boy was using primate forms so often. Raven listened while she ate and sipped the tea, surprised that Beast Boy didn't use his powers more deliberately. He seemed to change forms just intuitively, not thinking about what he was doing, not being deliberate, not being rational...

She saw a glimpse of a yellow hood out of the corner of her eye but didn't move, knowing there was nothing there. She wasn't surprised when Wisdom said, _Not being us._


	9. Chapter 9

The first few times this had happened Raven had been terrified. Now, with long experience, she knew that fatigue and the work she had been doing just meant that her perceptions were skewed, and that the more tired she was the less likely her sides were to stay where they were supposed to: in her head. _I know he's not us_, she replied. _That's why this is going to be difficult. _

Wisdom was silent for a minute. Raven fought down a crazy urge to offer her toast. _You are doing a good thing. _

Raven smiled grimly, glad she'd left her hood up when she came in the common room. _I'm doing the only thing. _

The yellow hood shifted in Raven's peripheral vision as Wisdom nodded. Then Wisdom said, hesitant, _Advising that you abdicate control of yourself is not wise. But I must advocate – for this task, be more like him. Listen to Brave and Joy. Let them voice your instincts. _

_Why? _

_It will be – useful._

Raven heard Affection's laughter underneath the words. Unnerved, she put down her cup and stood up so abruptly that she bumped her chair. "Are you ready?"

Beast Boy broke off in mid-sentence and grinned at her. "Sure."

She hadn't noticed until then how heavily he was leaning against the table. He pushed himself away, stood up, and nearly fell over again. Cyborg grabbed him.

Raven frowned. "Are you sure you gave him a half dose?"

"It's hard to tell with his physiology," Cyborg explained, easily holding Beast Boy up by the neck of his uniform. Beast Boy dangled like a green puppet, still grinning, making half-hearted attempts to straighten up. "This may be because the other dose hadn't worn off yet, because he was so tired, because he hasn't used his powers... I tell you, whenever he gets injured and I have to treat him I get nightmares."

"I don't blame you," Raven said, eyeing Beast Boy. He saw her watching and waved.

"Well, crazy physiology or not, we know it'll wear off. Eventually." Cyborg tried gingerly to ease Beast Boy down so his feet were taking some of his weight, but gave up when he started collapsing again. "Where do you want him?"

"On the couch in front of the window."

Cyborg got Beast Boy into a (mostly) sitting position on the couch, with Raven beside him in case he started to list to one side. Cyborg met her eyes ruefully. "I'm not sure how much you'll be able to do with him, Rae. I gave him too much."

"It might be better this way," she said, though privately she didn't believe it. "He won't overthink things."

One side of Cyborg's mouth quirked. "I gotta admit, I never worry about him _over_thinking things. Or even _thinking_ them, sometimes. Do you need me here?"

"Maybe. If I can't get him oriented, at least, and he starts getting overwhelmed again –"

"I've got indexing stuff I need to do – those reports we ran in the infirmary gave me some ideas. Yell if you need anything."

Left alone, Raven turned her attention to Beast Boy, who sat smiling, staring into space. "Beast Boy?"

"Hmmmm?"

Sighing, Raven put her hand on his arm and jolted him with enough energy to wake him up a little, but hopefully not enough to chase away his warm fuzzy feelings. "Wake up. I need you to look out the window."

More alert, Beast Boy looked out the window, his expression becoming apprehensive when he realized it was Titans Tower. It cleared when he saw that there were no figures crawling on the glass – just water and the Jump City skyline. "Dude, the people are gone!"

"But close your eyes and concentrate, just for a moment. Can you hear them?"

Beast Boy closed his eyes, but opened them almost immediately and gulped, "Yes."

"That's lesson one," Raven said. "There are two levels of experience – inner and outer. Sometimes you need to put your attention into your inner experiences, sometimes into the outer. I'm going to teach you how to move all your energy from one to another so your full concentration protects you. You might hear the screaming, but it won't hurt you so much because your focus will be somewhere else. All right?"

"Okay." Beast Boy was still looking out the window, as if to assure himself that there really were no people out there. "Is this where I start chanting? 'Azarath Metri-'"

"Do you know what it means?"

"No. What?"

Raven ignored the question. "If you don't know what it means, it won't help. You need to chant something that means something to you. Something that will help you gather up all your energy. Something that you believe in and that makes you feel better."

Beast Boy opened his mouth but before he could say anything Raven added, "And don't say Cyborg or me or Robin or your parents or any people. You get mad at us sometimes, or we disappoint you. You need something you can believe in like – like gravity. You know Earth won't let you go. You don't even think about it."

Some less-sedated part of Beast Boy's brain noticed that Raven said _Earth_ instead of_ the Earth_ - but then again, he supposed, it wasn't her home, maybe she called where she came from _the Azarath_... "I can't think of anything."

"Where did you go when Terra died?"

A little taken aback by the blunt question, Beast Boy answered, "The rocks down by the water."

"And what did you do?"

What exactly was she asking? "Um... nothing?"

Raven nodded as if she expected this. "Where did you go when you recovered from transforming into The Beast?"

"The rocks down by the water."

"And where do you go when we have a fight?"

"Dude, we don't really _fight_ fight, we –" Raven made an impatient noise and Beast Boy stopped himself and admitted, "The rocks down by the water."

"So when you are hurt or angry or off-balance, you go to the rocks at the shore. That place brings you back to yourself."

Beast Boy sat a little higher on the couch so he could see down to where the shore of the Tower's island sloped away into the Jump City Bay. His favorite spot was to one side, a hollow partially blocked from the view of the Tower by a few outcroppings. He had practically lived there after Terra had died, transforming into a dog and sleeping curled up on the sand, flying over the waves as a seagull and keening so loud he could barely hear himself think. Which is how he wanted it. "I guess I do. So what do you want me to say, 'rocks by the water'?"

"Yes."

Beast Boy fell back on the cushions. "Dude. Dumbest chant ever."

"After a few minutes you won't even think of them as words. They'll just be the sounds you use to concentrate. Sit up and close your eyes."

Beast Boy struggled out of the depths of the couch. "I don't have to get all pretzel, do I?"

Raven repeated, with an edge to her voice, "Sit up. And close. Your eyes."

Beast Boy obeyed, just sitting there with his eyes closed, feeling stupid. "What now?"

"Think about the place down by the water."

"But it's just over there, if you let me open my eyes and look -"

"Beast Boy." Raven's voice had about one thread of patience left. "You're supposed to focus on that place Not on anything else around it. Just that place. That's why you close your eyes. So nothing can-"

"Okay, _okay_. So now I chant?"

Raven sighed. "Take a deep breath, and as you breathe in, say it. As you breathe out, say it. Just try to think of nothing else but what you're saying. See if you can, for just five minutes."

_Just say some words for five minutes? No problem_. "Rocks by the water," Beast Boy said, taking a deep breath, exhaling noisily and adding, "Rocks by the water. Rocks by the water..."


	10. Chapter 10

Who knew his head contained so many Beast Boys?

As soon as he closed his eyes and started chanting, the screaming started back up, like he had tuned in to an audio channel. Trying to disregard it, he stubbornly kept on, and between that and the sedative Cyborg had given him, he was able to keep it at bay.

"Rocks on the water, rocks on the water, rocks on the water..."

_I'm good at this! Dude, I could do this all day. _

Beast Boy's chanting stuttered a moment before it picked up again. He was thinking the words, he was saying the words – where was the other voice coming from?

_I wonder what Raven's doing. _

Another one?

_I bet I look stupid, sitting here. Who cares? _

No matter how much Beast Boy tried to focus on the chant, his own thoughts intruded, with comments and questions and observations. It was better than the screaming but it wasn't helping him block them out, and he wasn't making any effort on focus. And the harder the tried to concentrate, the louder the rogue thoughts in his head got.

Eventually, one of them started to help.

_Raven wants me to concentrate. The only time I ever feel like I'm concentrating is when I'm about to morph. Is there any way I can feel like that, and **not** change? _

The screaming, his own voices talking to him, the constant chant – it was starting to feel very crowded in Beast Boy's head. But he slowly relaxed into the feeling of the wonderful seconds before a shift where he felt like his entire being was balanced on sharp point, ready to spring or fly into a different shape, a different reality –

_Here_.

It took everything he had to keep chanting, hold the feeling, and not change, teetering on the brink – he had never tried to balance himself here before – his own voices were surrounding him, chattering in amazement, wondering how long he could stay like this, what his mantra would do for him now –

One voice became more distinct, drowning out the others, even eclipsing the more-distant screaming. It was deeper than Beast Boy's usual voice, and sounded unfamiliar. As the other voices became more blurred, it got more distinct, coming closer and closer.

Beast Boy realized what it was in the bare instant before a face reared up before him, over twice his size, with green fur, curled lips and sharp teeth. The face of an ape, only more savage, more bestial, more powerful. Its white eyes blazed like stars and it opened its mouth and emitted a roar that blasted Beast Boy backwards, throwing him out of own mind, reducing the screams to a smear of sound against his thoughts and shattering his concentration completely.

"_**LET ME OUT!" **_


	11. Chapter 11

Beast Boy came to himself lying flat on his back behind the couch. Cyborg and Raven were both standing over him, but looking away – Cyborg trying to see where the enemy was coming from, Raven with her hands ringed by black energy, ready to attack or defend. Beast Boy coughed weakly. "Dude .. 's only me."

Cyborg went to one knee and lifted Beast Boy gently on his feet. "What happened, man? I heard this noise, and the next thing I know you went up like a rocket -"

Raven came closer to him than she usually did and put one gloved hand to his cheek, looking into his eyes as if not sure what she'd see there. Beast Boy would have enjoyed this more except her face was not the unsmiling mask it usually was; she was chalky and anxious, worried about what had returned from his attempt to control the voices. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine – listen, you need to know -"

"I should have just let you sleep," Raven mumbled, "You're too tired, you're not going to be able to get control –" She turned to Cyborg. "I think he should sleep in the infirmary at least for a day or two, until things are more stable -"

"It worked – well, it worked for a few minutes, anyway, and –"

"_- maybe the sedation was a better idea, at least until he's recovered physically –" _

"- why didn't you tell me about the voices? It was like fifty of me in there, at least until -"

" _- it may be that having someone from the Justice League looking into this isn't a bad idea -"_

"**Raven!**" Beast Boy yelled. Both she and Cyborg jumped in surprise. Beast Boy pushed away from Cyborg and stood shakily up right, swaying a little but able to stand up, the sedative gone, the screaming back but underlaid with an ever-present growling that scared him more, much more. "I saw The Beast!"

Raven stared at him. The silence stretched out. Finally she swallowed hard and said, "I – I know."

"_You know?" _

"Did you think I wouldn't notice?" Raven's attempt at her usual waspish tone didn't work; her voice was too unsteady, her fear apparent. "Right before you – woke up – I felt his energy. I didn't know what was going to come back. You didn't change, but he could have overwhelmed you. I wasn't sure you'd recognize him. Did he do anything?"

"Yeah," Beast Boy said shortly. "He said, 'Let me out.'"

Now both Cyborg and Raven were staring at him. Finally Cyborg said, "Well. Um. Don't, okay?"

"Dude, how _stupid_ -"

"We are taking you to the infirmary _now_ –" said Raven loudly, forestalling any argument – "and you are going to sleep for at least twelve hours. And I am going to do the same. And then we are going to talk about this, but we are not doing anything until both of us get some rest."

Cyborg was looking at them both, bemused. "I don't know which one of you I need to carry. You both look out on your feet."

"Take him." And Raven disappeared in a flash of black light, knowing she had to make sure Beast Boy was safely asleep in the infirmary before she'd feel safe enough to get some sleep herself.

TtTtTtTt

It was half an hour later. Beast Boy had not wanted to abandon the topic of The Beast and had only agreed to leave it for the moment when it became apparent that Raven was just as tired as he was. She had sent him into another deep sleep, stood talking for a few moments with Cyborg, and then had used everything she had left to teleport back to her room, wash her face, brush her teeth, change into sleeping clothes, and crawl into bed.

Less than a minute after she had closed her eyes, she was asleep. Less than five minutes after that, she slid into a nightmare.

The Beast was chasing her through the halls of the Tower. The corridors were dark and empty, with just enough light coming through the windows to turn The Beast's shadow into a grotesque shape that flowed and flickered against the walls as he pounded behind her.

Raven didn't know where he had come from, or why she was so overwhelmingly afraid. She couldn't teleport, wasn't even sure she could attack. She could only run. And he pursued, silently. There was no sound except her own panicked breathing and the steady slamming of The Beast's steps.

The corridor seemed to go on for miles. She ran and ran. Nothing changed. She stayed barely ahead of The Beast, but the sounds of his pursuit never wavered, never flagged. And she was getting more and more exhausted...

_Fight!_ cried Brave.

_I can't!_ Raven called back.

Abruptly the endless corridor terminated into a wall, a sudden, pitch-black dead end. _You have no choice_, Brave shouted. _Fight! Fight! _

Raven skidded to a halt, almost falling in her attempt to avoid hitting the wall. Spinning around, she summoned a wave of black energy, not sure if she would have to attack or defend. Raising her hands, she said defiantly, "I won't let you take me, and I won't let you hurt me!"

The Beast stopped too, a few feet away. Raven, who was struggling for breath even as she stayed in an attack position, noticed he wasn't winded. He might not have been running at all. The two of them stood still, watching each other, for what seemed like an eternity to Raven. Finally The Beast spoke. With Beast Boy's voice it said, "Raven – I would _never_ hurt you."


	12. Chapter 12

Raven stared at him blankly, not moving. She was still for so long that the Beast, in Beast Boy's voice, asked "-Raven?"

She slowly lowered her hands.

_It's a trap, _whimpered Timid.

_No_, said Wisdom. _The Beast is cunning but he is not clever. If he wanted to destroy us he would attack, not try subterfuge. _

_Everybody shut up._ "What were you doing chasing me?"

It was odd and unsettling to hear Beast Boy's nervous laugh coming from the Beast. Beast Boy's face was expressive, always shifting to reflect what he was thinking or saying. The Beast's face was like a mask, showing only anger, hardly changing as Beast Boy spoke. "What were you doing running? – I know, I know. I'm sorry. Raven, I need your help."

Raven waited.

"I mean, I'm not sure you can help me, I might be dreaming. This is a dream, right?"

"Maybe," Raven said cautiously, still waiting.

"This has something to do with the screaming. I'm not sure. I feel asleep and I was here and I was stuck looking like this. I think – I think you can change me back."

Raven had morphed Beast Boy before, but the magic that she learned to do it was black magic, and she wasn't eager to use it again. "It wouldn't be right to -"

"I don't want you to morph me. I want you to help me remember."

"Remember? You have amnesia?"

"No, of course not," Beast Boy said impatiently. Raven watched, disbelieving, as the Beast began pacing up and down the corridor where he had been chasing her only a few minutes before. "Raven, I never told anybody this before – but this is my favorite form. Of all my forms."

"Of all your -" light dawned. "You mean, even more than your human form?"

The Beast ducked his head, a little embarrassed, looking more animated as Beast Boy became more comfortable. "Yeah. Look at me, Raven! I'm strong! I don't have to change into an elephant or an ape or a rhino to win a fight – I can stay me! I feel more like I belong with the Titans – I'm not stupid weak little Beast Boy. I'm powerful! I'm -"

"You're reckless," Raven said flatly. "You're unable to control yourself. You're not a good part of the team and you don't think."

The Beast wheeled around, towering over Raven, and for a moment she was afraid. But it merely sighed. "You're right. I feel invincible but I know it's not true. And I can't go around like this forever – it's hard enough living a normal life when you're green. It's just that the feeling when I'm the Beast is so strong, I can't remember what it feels like to be Beast Boy. I can't get the shape. I'm stuck."

"You don't need me for this," Raven said. "You can do it yourself. I told you how this morning."

"You did?"

"Where do you go to come back to yourself?"

"The rocks – the rocks by the water!" The Beast turned to lumber down the corridor but Raven grabbed his arm. "This is faster." A moment later they had teleported to the narrow rocky strip between the grassy field of the Tower and the choppy blue-green waters of Jump City Bay.

"Sit down," Raven said, "and close your eyes." The Beast did so. "Now, remember all the things that make you, Beast Boy, different from the Beast. You're smart, you work well with the team, you can shape shift –"

" – I'm small," The Beast said gloomily, "I can't fight in my human form, I make stupid jokes, you don't like me -"

"You can think quickly, you're brave -"

"Nobody takes me seriously, you yell at me a lot –"

"- you have a strong heart. The Beast has a lot of anger. Sometimes it can be useful, there's a time for it, but it's not your whole life." Raven shivered as Rage disagreed with a maelstrom of curses. "You can't let it control you. It'll poison everything."

"So I have to go back to being small and weak -"

"No, you have to go back to being you. And you can change. But you have to start in the right place. Say your mantra."

The Beast breathed out and began chanting. Raven said, her low voice weaving in between his words, "Remember you're on the Titans. You. Not the Beast. Remember fighting with us. Remember the good you've done."

Raven wasn't sure what she was expecting. A flash of light? A dramatic transformation? It was more anticlimactic than that; as the chant continued, the Beast shrunk, getting smaller and skinnier until Beast Boy sat there, still chanting.

Raven touched his arm. "You did it."

Beast Boy opened his eyes and stretched out his arms, looking at them with disdain. "Yeah. Great."

Raven sat down beside him. "Just because you're not big and scary doesn't mean you're not powerful. And this doesn't mean that you can't use that form some day. But – what you learn on the way to taking that form is what makes you able to control it. Maybe it is what you are meant to be. I don't know. You'll have to keep working on it."

"And in the meantime I get to be Beast Boy. Good for a laugh and that's about it."

"Nobody's asking you to make jokes," Raven pointed out. "Especially not me."

"I don't know what else to do," Beast Boy said. "It's what everybody expects."

"Feel free to disappoint me," Raven said dryly. "Try doing something else."

Beast Boy glanced at her sideways and, abruptly, everything changed. The air thickened. Raven was suddenly overwhelmingly aware that it was just the two of them and they were alone.

Beast Boy leaned toward her until they were less than a foot apart and whispered, "You don't want me to do that."

"No," Raven managed, "I don't." But she didn't move.

"But I will anyway," Beast Boy continued, speaking sadly and softly, "Because this is a dream, and this will never happen in real life, no matter what I want. But since it is a dream, I get to say what you won't let me say. I love you."

Raven could barely breathe. She sat, frozen.

Beast Boy watched her, a half-smile on his face. "Since forever. Even though there's nothing I can be for you." He shook his head and his voice dropped, full of bitterness. "There's nothing skinny little funny joke Beast Boy can do to make things better for you. All I can do is love you. So I do, since forever." He leaned a little closer. "I'd tell you a thousand times, but I'm afraid I'd wake up. And I don't want to waste this dream."

Beast Boy moved closer still, his weight on one arm. He was reaching out, his hand on her shoulder, moving to touch her face, and he was near enough that all she could see were his green eyes, gentle and reflecting everything he'd just told her. She barely felt his lips brush her cheek, and then he was kissing her mouth, and Raven -

and Raven jerked awake.


	13. Chapter 13

Raven had visions.

It wasn't a big part of her life with the Teen Titans, where it was generally more critical that she could use energy shields and hit villains with telekinetically-thrown cars. But it was a important part of her self. Sometimes the visions were prophetic, sometimes part of a spell she was trying to learn.

Sometimes they were about Azarath.

She had never talked to anyone on the Titans about them. Only Malchior had seemed interested, and Raven had talked to him for hours, pouring out her thoughts, asking him questions. Though she still felt a burning mixture of embarrassment and shame at the thought of him, Malchior had helped her understand and recognize her different types of visions, which had helped her when she was confused by a spell or an illusion.

Because of that, Raven had known right away that the encounter with Beast Boy hadn't been a dream. It had been a shared vision, probably because of the time she had spent in his mind earlier in the day.

_Why did I lie to him? _

She had been asking herself that question for hours. Lying awake in bed as the day and evening dragged by until she finally fell into a restless, broken sleep free of dreams and anything else. Rising an hour before dawn, showering, getting dressed, and going up on the roof for her morning meditation. And now, expected in the common room for breakfast and possibly a meeting, Raven still didn't have an answer.

_Why did I lie to him? _

It wasn't really a lie, she told herself for the ten thousandth time. She told him that _maybe_ it was a dream. He had assumed it was a dream.

If he had known it wasn't a dream, had known that they were having a shared experience, would he have said what he said? Would he have accepted her help? Would he have ki -

She cut that thought off (also for the ten thousandth time.) There was no use thinking about it. She had to pretend it never happened, keep going, and figure out what was wrong with Beast Boy. This was about him, this wasn't about her, it was -

_We have to talk about this. _

Raven glanced across the room to where her soul mirror hung on the wall, and found herself looking at Wisdom. _No_.

_You will not even speak to us? You will not let us help you? _

Raven raised her hood and went to the door. _Not this time. _

As she stepped into the hall, Raven could hear Wisdom sigh, then Joy interrupted. _Timid is hiding_, she said. _We can hear her crying but we can't find her. Raven, we can't protect you from this fear unless you let us_ –

_I have to help Beast Boy,_ Raven interrupted, and headed for the common room.

She got there late enough that breakfast was over for the rest of the team. Starfire and Robin were still sitting at the table, chatting. Beast Boy and Cyborg were, as usual, sitting on the couch playing video games. Raven started making her usual tea and toast, and had just put the bread in when the game ended. Beast Boy looked backwards over the couch at her. "Hey, Raven, check out this new -"

She met his eyes and he stopped in midsentence, staring at her for a moment. Then he blushed crimson and looked away. Remembering, Raven decided. With his green skin and the embarrassed flush on his face he looked like a half-ripe tomato.

Raven hadn't known if he would recall. For him it had been a dream, and like a dream it could fade away and be forgotten. The screaming in his mind, the intrusions of the Beast, even the sedatives Cyborg was giving him – it could have all buried the experience he and Raven had shared.

But it hadn't. (_Damn it._) And now Raven had to bluff it out. "What's wrong with you?" she asked as coolly as she could.

"Oh, um – swallowed the wrong way." Beast Boy banged on his chest. "Wrong pipe," he said hoarsely.

The toast popped. Raven put it on a plate and fixed her tea, then took her breakfast to the table where Cyborg and Beast Boy joined her.

"He had a good night," Cyborg said. "Slept for sixteen hours."

Robin finished his conversation with Starfire and turned to them. "Raven, I didn't want to wake you, but we did a scan while he was asleep. There's definitely increased neural activity. We can't tell why, and we can't tell if it's telepathic or something else. But there's something going on."

Raven looked at Beast Boy, who was still having trouble meeting her eyes. He looked much more awake than he did yesterday. "Did you give him sedatives?"

"Quarter dose. That seems to be the best balance between keeping him upright and keeping the edge off." Cyborg lightly biffed Beast Boy on the back of the head. "Not that I minded dragging him everywhere."

Beast Boy grinned weakly and elbowed him, then, with an effort, looked at Raven. "Raven – I saw the Beast. I had a dream about him."

Robin said suddenly, "Raven? Did you get any sleep? You don't look rested."

"I'm fine," Raven said. Why did Robin have to look at her so closely? "Just a little tired."

Beast Boy half-rose. "We don't have to –"

Raven glared. "Yes. We do. Go play another game and let me finish eating, then we work."

It was actually another two games as Raven slowly finished her tea and toast, talking to Robin and Cyborg, answering questions from Starfire. They decided that if they got any calls today that Raven and Beast Boy would stay behind, and that Raven's first priority was to help Beast Boy get the voices under control so Cyborg could stop the sedatives.

Finally her breakfast was gone and she couldn't wait any longer. Wishing she were anywhere else, Raven took the remote and turned the television off, then sat on the couch beside an apprehensive Beast Boy.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to him and said, "Tell me about the dream."


	14. Chapter 14

Unsurprisingly, Beast Boy's version of the dream had some edits. His description matched what she remembered up until she instructed him to chant. Then he blushed again, stuttered, and finished with: "... and I changed back. And woke up."

He looked at his feet, at the TV, out the window, at Cyborg working across the room – anywhere but at Raven. "Um... and then I woke up," he repeated.

Raven let it go. "Let's start at the beginning. When I taught you how to chant. What happened?"

Beast Boy brightened up now that they weren't talking about the dream. "Oh yeah! Dude, I wanted to ask you about that. I was sitting there chanting, and I heard my own voice. Lots of them! They were all talking and they wouldn't shut up."

"That's because you're human," Raven said dryly. "You're used to taking in and assessing input from all your senses. Your brain is constantly evaluating and responding. The point of meditation is to get you to settle that down and just concentrate on one thing."

"So I'm always talking like that in my head?"

Raven shrugged. "More or less. You're used to it. It sounds like it didn't work."

"No, it did." Beast Boy bounced on the couch and grinned at Raven. "I started thinking about how I feel right before I morph. Dude, that was tough! Trying to feel like that without changing. But when I did, everything just – went away. The voices, everything. And then The Beast showed up."

"You found a natural point of concentration," Raven said, a little surprised. "Good. How are the voices now?"

Beast Boy frowned. "I know they're there. When I woke up they were bothering me, but Cyborg gave me a shot and they turned down some. I don't want to keep getting shots, though. And, Raven – I really want to morph. But Cyborg told me I couldn't."

"Until you can control the voices, it's too dangerous." Raven let her eyes unfocus and looked at Beast Boy with her mind instead of her sight. He was alert, nervous, tense – but not panicking and not out of control with fear. "Do you want to try again?"

"I dunno..." Beast Boy said reluctantly. "What do I do if the Beast comes back?"

"I'll be there."

"You will?"

"We're going to try something different." Raven stood and tapped her communicator. "Robin, we need a monitor in the ward."

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt

Beast Boy was lying on the gurney again, awake this time, while Robin and Cyborg connected him to a monitor. Raven was giving them instructions. "Just monitor, don't scan. Start timing when he starts chanting and make note of any activity."

"What are you going to do?" Robin asked.

"Monitor. Beast Boy."

Beast Boy was laying still, trying to pretend he wasn't scared. "Do you want me to start chanting now?"

"Not yet. Take deep breaths." Raven settled in the chair beside the gurney and began to sync her breathing with his. Eventually his breathing got slower and more relaxed as he calmed down. Her voice barely audible, Raven said, "Start chanting – start thinking about him – I'm right here."

Carefully keeping her breaths even with his, Raven sat back and listened to Beast Boy chant, watching the energy building around his head and his heart. When she began feeling the counterpoint to the chant, a red-edged pounding that reminded her of the Beast's footsteps, she dropped her head and let her consciousness slip into his mind.

Beast Boy was standing in the common room of the Tower, his eyes screwed shut and his hands clenched into fists, chanting so loud he was almost yelling. The human figures were still crawling on the outside of the glass, still screaming, and Raven suspected that's why Beast Boy was practically shouting his mantra. She touched his shoulder. "He's coming."

"I know," Beast Boy said between his teeth. "I'm trying to keep him back -"

"No. You're fighting part of yourself. Let him in."

"But what do I say when he says let me out?"

Raven half-smiled. "We say no." She grabbed his wrist and turned to face the windows. "Open your eyes."

The light outside the window was turning white, a pervasive, endless glare like the flash of a lightning strike. The people crawling on the glass were blurred, then reduced to thin black lines, then smeared away as the light poured in and destroyed everything – the room, the glass, and the people. Raven and Beast Boy were left in blackness with the Beast standing before them.

This was not Beast Boy in a different form. This shape was alive with furious anger, glowing green and white, rearing up before them, breathing heat and sparks. Raven held Beast Boy's wrist a little tighter and took one step forward. "Keep chanting."

Beast Boy did, just as loud as before, though he could barely be heard against the Beast's roaring. Raven stood, relaxed, one hand holding Beast Boy's arm and the other lifted, ringed with black energy. She was half the Beast's size and it loomed over her, spattering her with spit as it shrieked at her.

**LET ME OUT. **

Brave grinned. Wisdom watched tensely. Rage waited, anxious to fight.

_Everybody hold on_, Raven told them, and looked up into the Beast's face. "No."

It came closer and raised a fist the size of her head.** You do not even belong here! Let me out! **

"No," Raven said calmly, almost indifferently.

**I will – I will rend you! I will tear you away from here! Let me out! **

Beast Boy's chanting faltered. Without looking back, Raven tugged on his arm and whispered, "Don't stop. Ignore him." She raised her voice and said, "You're going back where you came from and you're going to leave us alone. You do not belong here. Go away."

**I will not! I will not! I will – _I will kill you! _**

Rage let go of Beast Boy, threw back her hood and straightened, growing taller and taller until she stood level with the beast and her four red eyes glared into its white ones. _The day will never come that you could hurt me_, she hissed contemptuously. _You have a child's rage with no thought or force. I have been living hatred for ten thousand years. We will meet again and you will listen to me. For now, you will go_. A bolt of scarlet shot from her outstretched hand and wound itself around the Beast, breaking him apart into odd shapes of green light. _You will go! _

The light that had been the Beast exploded. Raven fell through a silent blackness for what felt like hours, until gradually she became aware of herself leaning sideways in a chair, resting her head against the steel rails of the gurney. Suppressing a groan she straightened. "What -"

Beast Boy was sitting up, resting his head on his bent knees. He turned his face to her and his eyes were full of tears. "Raven, I tried to hurt you! I promised I would never hurt you and I said I would kill -" he trailed off and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I would never –"

"That wasn't you," Raven said wearily. "Can you hear the voices now?"

Beast Boy paused and after a moment said, surprised, "No. They're gone."

Raven shook her head. "We've been backwards about this. The primate shifting, the changes into higher life forms – that wasn't accidental. He's trying to take over."


	15. Chapter 15

"But we got rid of him," Cyborg said again.

Patiently Raven said, "But now he's back."

All the Titans were sitting around a table in their favorite pizza place. Raven had insisted. The only place she'd been in the last two days were asleep in her room and in the ward and she was getting tired of it, she said. She wanted pizza.

Robin didn't need his close friendship with Raven to know she wasn't telling the truth. She would happily spend days in her room holed up with a good book. She was trying to get Beast Boy distracted and away from what had just happened.

It had worked. Sort of. Beast Boy had happily agreed to pizza, had squabbled with Starfire over the grossest toppings, and had inhaled three slices as soon as their order had arrived at the table. But

when nobody was talking to him, he became edgy. He kept looking at his hands as if afraid they were suddenly going to change to paws.

Raven had explained what had happened, along with Beast Boy's first attempt at meditation and his "dream." Cyborg in particular was having a hard time understanding. "But we got rid of him! That Beast was a disruption of B's DNA, it's not a real thing!"

"You got rid of that one, but once Beast Boy had changed the Beast still existed in potentia."

Cyborg stared at her.

Raven sighed. "Once he's changed into a form, he can do it again. It doesn't matter that it's not a real thing. Once he changed into it once, it's real for him and can be again. Some part of him has chosen that form to hold all his anger. Beast Boy has shut all that away. And now it's trying to break out."

"M'm nff -" Beast Boy swallowed the mouthful of pizza he was chewing and tried again. "I'm not angry! Not like _that_." He shuddered. "Dude was _spitting_."

"You suppressed the Beast before, shut him away in your subconscious. And he's getting stronger." Raven emptied a packet of sugar in her tea and stirred. "The readouts Cyborg and Robin took proved it. When the Beast arrived your neural activity spiked. My guess is he was bringing the screaming out of your subconscious, trying to make you so tired you wouldn't put up a fight. He's been pushing you. That's where all those primate changes are coming from."

Robin reached for a last slice of pizza. "Why not try what happened before? Make Beast Boy angry and change then?"

"Because it didn't work," Raven said. "Beast Boy was able to overcome what was essentially just a destructive force." She glanced at Beast Boy, "I told you, you have –"

Abruptly she stopped herself. She was going to stay_ I told you, you have a strong heart _– but she had told him that in Beast Boy's dream. And he hadn't mentioned it. Furious at herself for the near-miss, she took a sip of tea and started over: "I told you, you have to keep chanting. You need to stay focused to resist him."

"I know..." Beast Boy smiled slyly at her. "You did a pretty good job kicking his butt, though. And you stopped the voices!"

"What I did is not.. it's not good for me to do," Raven said, looking away. "It's dangerous. You need to learn to control this yourself."

"Oh," Beast Boy said, crestfallen, "Does that mean you're not going to help?"

Raven drank more tea. "I'll help. But -" She looked straight into Beast Boy's eyes. "You've got to understand this, Gar."

He blinked at her use of his real name.

"We did destroy my father. That's true. But I'm still half-demon and that will never change. Rage is almost the embodiment of that heritage. All she wants to do is destroy. It's fortunate that she can help us right now, but don't think that means she's allied with us or friends with us. She just wanted a fight. We can use that – for now. But later –later we could end up worse than where we started."

There was a short silence. Then Beast Boy said, "Raven – if it would be better that you didn't help -"

"Stop trying to be heroic," Raven said flatly. "It's annoying. If you want to make it easier on me, then do I what I tell you to instead of making jokes. This will only be over when you can control the Beast."

_You should have told him to try doing something else_, Affection said.

_I'm supposed to be helping Beast Boy, not teasing him_, Raven answered.

_Not teasing_, Affection said smugly. _Just reminding. Just reminding. _


	16. Chapter 16

The next two weeks were boring and miserable for Beast Boy.

The team had eight missions, and he wasn't allowed to go on any of them. Though he was spared the humiliation of having a babysitter, Robin wouldn't even let him come along and wait in the T-Car. "It's dangerous," he kept saying. And it was everything Beast Boy could do not to yell back, "I know it's dangerous, but it's my job!"

He wasn't allowed to morph. He had never gone so long without changing and couldn't stand it, shutting his powers off so completely. It was like being trapped in a small box with limited sight, hearing, and smell. He couldn't fly. He couldn't fight properly. All he could do was sit on the couch and play video games, and even that was losing its appeal.

And the Beast haunted him. Beast Boy felt like he was carrying an explosive, afraid that the wrong move, the wrong step, a noise too loud – and his own self would burst into little bits all over the landscape, leaving only an animal consumed with anger, ready to destroy.

In this state – restless, bored, simmering with an anxiety that was getting closer and closer to the surface – Beast Boy had to spend hours with Raven while she pushed at him and tried to teach him as quickly as she could how to get the Beast under control.

Raven took him on the roof and made him meditate over and over again. She would start him chanting and watch his energy patterns, and when the Beast began to emerge she'd abruptly pull him out of meditation with a hand on his shoulder and a burst of dark energy.

"Don't fight him," she said. "Don't try to resist. Just work on focusing so completely that he can't get past your defenses. You're shielding yourself." Fifty times a day he'd start chanting, and fifty times a day Raven would wake him. "No," she'd say impatiently. "You're letting him through. Try again."

"She's torturing me," Beast Boy groaned to Cyborg. They were both in the garage where Cyborg was working on the T-Car. "She's getting me back for every time I made fun of her meditating. Dude, she's gonna make my head blow up..."

"Trying to make you think for more than two minutes in a row? She might be torturing _herself_." Cyborg was elbows-deep in an engine. "You've got to get a grip on this, B. You can't be part of the team again unless you've got the Beast under control. Raven's trying to help you."

"Yeah, and maybe she's having some fun too," Beast Boy muttered rebelliously, but not really believing it.

Cyborg glanced at him from underneath the hood of the T-Car. "Man, have you looked at her lately? She's wiped out. Remember she's got to go on missions _and_ try to teach your sorry butt." Cyborg smiled at him, but he was only half-kidding. "Keep working, man. The team needs you back."

So Beast Boy kept working. Slowly he started being able to focus for longer and longer periods of time, and eventually he could keep meditating for ten minutes before the red energy of the Beast started to gather around his heart.

It was strange that something that required so little physical effort could be so tiring, but at the end of each day Beast Boy was wrung out. He fell into bed and didn't even dream.

And that was disappointing too. He kept remembering the dream he had about the Beast and Raven. What she had said to him. The sense of triumph he felt when he finally could change back from the Beast.

The kiss.

Fifteen days dragged by until the end of one meditation session that went for twelve minutes. Raven looked at him a long time after that, her expression unreadable, until she finally said, "Tomorrow you'll change," put her hood up, and walked away.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Those same two weeks were exhausting and painful for Raven.

The eight missions were tougher without Beast Boy there, and Raven caught herself missing him. Missing him! Not the jokes (she would never miss the jokes) but the strength he brought to the team, and the way he lightened everything. The Titans seemed a little more tense, a little more grim, when he wasn't around. Cyborg in particular seemed to fight with a ferocious intensity that made her glad they were on the same side.

The team would come back from a mission and she'd want nothing more than to take a hot shower and lock herself in her room, but she'd have to have training sessions with Beast Boy. Being around him was like holding a handful of firecrackers that were all about to explode. A happy-go-lucky Beast Boy was bad enough to an empath. A Beast Boy who was bubbling with fear, boredom, anxiety and, increasingly, resentment – it rubbed her nerves raw.

And she couldn't shut him out, because every time he meditated she had to monitor him. She had to watch the energy building around him and feel the stray thoughts as he tried to focus. She had to touch his mind to wake him when the Beast began to appear. And she had to do this over and over again.

Her own meditation sessions didn't add to the peace.

_He's trying hard_, Brave said defensively.

_And so am I_, Raven said. _But it's tiring. I have to be – aware – of him all the time. I can't - _

_It's getting better, _Wisdom added. _He's almost there. _

_I just want this to be over. _

_I'm scared of his thoughts_, Timid said from far away. They hadn't found her. Raven could still hear her crying sometimes, sounding like she was somewhere deep underground. _I'm afraid of him. You should have told him it wasn't a dream. He wouldn't have ki – _

_Let it go_, Wisdom interrupted, sensing Raven's agitation._ Just let it go_.

In the end Raven had to block everything out and, like Beast Boy, just focus. She stopped looking toward the next month or next week or even the next day. All she thought about was the next training session, watching for the red energy, bringing him back, pointing out his mistakes, making him try again – she felt like an automation. Fight. Train. Meditate. Try to rest. Everything began to take on the gray tinge of nightmare until she wasn't sure if she was asleep or awake...

… until the one day where she had watched Beast Boy meditate, watched the red energy gather around his heart, and, moments before she was going to wake him, watched it shift. The energy became shot through with white, then blue, then became a deep, steady green. Beast Boy hadn't moved, he kept chanting.

"He did it," she breathed to herself, "he took the energy..."

Raven let him chant a little longer, then woke him.

Beast Boy shook himself, then looked at her expectantly, probably waiting to be told how he did it wrong.

She watched him, not sure of what to say. _You did it? It's almost over? I'm proud of you? I wasn't sure you could do this and I was starting to think it was impossible but you did it and I lo - _

No.

She cleared her throat. "Tomorrow you'll change," she said, and put her hood up and turned away.

The sudden success, the release of tension, left her legs shaking and her walk unsteady. She called for help and Wisdom took over, getting her to her room. Joy laughed and gently teased her into changing her clothes and hanging up her cloak, and Brave made sure the door was locked and everything was secure before Raven fell into bed, unconscious before she hit the pillow.


	17. Chapter 17

"Raven! Wake up wake up wake up!"

Raven shifted just enough to grab another pillow and jam it over her head. "Go 'way."

"C'mon! You said today!"

She woke up enough to realize the voice was Beast Boy's. He continued happily, "You said I could change today and it's seven already! I can't wait!"

_What was he doing in here? What was he doing standing **next to her bed**? _

"Beast Boy," she growled, getting more and more irritated as she came awake fully, "what are you doing-" she sat up, scattering the pillows – "_in my room_?"

There was no one there.

Raven looked around wildly for a moment, then realized. The last two weeks she had spent monitoring her teammate almost constantly. Now that the Beast's energy had been at least partially subdued, her brain was easily and automatically tuning in to Radio Beast Boy. She reached out. He was awake and anxious to change – but he was also halfway across the Tower in the common room. He hadn't meant to bother her at all.

Raven sat up and rested her elbows on her bent knees, rubbing her hands across her face and shaking her head wryly. _Two weeks teaching _him_ and _I_ get caught out like a half-trained neophyte_. She calmed herself, and checked the Tower and its occupants to make sure everything was fine. It was. Whispering a chant, she raised her shields completely for the first time in two weeks, desperately grateful for what seemed like the deepest, most peaceful silence after all the close mind contact with Beast Boy.

She savored the peace all through her meditation on the roof, her shower, and getting dressed. It was just what she needed to recharge. It wouldn't last – she had to walk Beast Boy through a series of changes to make sure his power was still working properly – but it was wonderful nonetheless.

She was almost smiling as she entered the common room. Beast Boy was sitting on the couch channel surfing while the other Titans had breakfast. Raven fixed tea and toast and sat at the table.

Beast Boy bounced over. "Raven! You said I could change today!"

She nodded, chewing toast.

"Well, when? Now? Can I start now? Dude, I can't _wait_ –"

"Give it a rest, B. Girl hasn't even had her breakfast yet." Cyborg got up from the table. "Let her finish eating. That should be long enough for me to beat you in MegaFight – oh, fifty times." He grabbed Beast Boy and frog-marched him toward the couch, winking at Raven as he passed.

Blessed silence and she was going to get to finish her food without being pestered for half an hour. This was turning out to be a great morning.

Robin leaned across the table, keeping his voice down even though Cyborg and Beast Boy were in the middle of one of their innumerable loud fighting games. "Has he got it under control?"

"I can't be sure without testing him, but – I think so." Raven explained what she had seen in Beast Boy's last meditation session. "He has learned to shield himself enough and focus enough to subvert the energy. We know he can do it. What happens when he's under stress, or in combat – I don't know. He needs more practice."

"You can help him with that," Robin said, satisfied.

Just the thought of another fourteen days like the ones she'd just gone through was enough to make her tense all over and almost lose her toast. "Yes. I can. But, Robin, I really – I want to –" in a rush she finished, "I'd like to rest first. This was – difficult - and I'd like to rest. Just a few days."

Robin, who had been watching her with increasing concern, laughed, relieved. "Sure. You've more than earned it. I know I can't understand how your powers work – but teaching Beast Boy how to hold still for more than thirty seconds at a time would be tough on anybody."

After breakfast Raven put her dishes away and went back to her usual spot on the couch to wait until the game was finished. Sighing inwardly she lowered her shields, wincing as all the stray thoughts and psychic noise took up a steady buzz in the back of her head, punctuated by occasional bursts of energy from Beast Boy.

At last the game was finished and Cyborg shut down the television and left them alone. Raven steeled herself. "Are you ready?"

Beast Boy was almost jumping out of his skin. "Dude, I've been ready for days! I'm going to morph into -"

"- into what I tell you," Raven interrupted. "We want to see if your changing disrupts your concentration enough that it endangers you. I want you to start chanting. I'm going to tell you an animal. You change, but keep the chant in your mind. I'll wait thirty seconds and give you another animal. We'll do that until the energy signature of the Beast appears or you stay focused for as long as you did yesterday. All right?"

"Okay. As long as I get to morph."

"Start chanting."

He started. Raven gave him a few minutes, then said quietly, "Mouse."

He immediately shifted. A green mouse stood still on the carpet. This was the part that worried Raven. Beast Boy was able to maintain his concentration by going into his pre-morphing state. What would happen after he actually changed?

As it happened, nothing. Raven watched as his energy dissipated as he shifted, then immediately reformed again. His concentration wasn't broken. "Cat."

A green cat sat on the carpet.

A few minutes later. "Eagle."

A green eagle appeared and couldn't resist flying around the common room. But the steady glow of Beast Boy's energy never changed.

"Ostrich."

"Ram."

"Horse."

"Elepha-"

The alarms went off.

Robin ran into the common room. "Raven, it's Dr. Light. Come on."

Beast Boy changed back into his human form. "Robin, let me go!"

"No way," Robin said tersely. "We don't know that it's safe."

"Robin, _please_! I'm going nuts around here! I haven't been on a mission in over two weeks and I've been busting my – Raven, _tell_ him!"

Robin looked at her. "Did you see any problems?"

"No," Raven said reluctantly. "But we didn't finish before the alarm."

Robin eyed Beast Boy, who stood there trying to look trustworthy and completely healed. Slowly Robin said. "You stay in the car. You do not leave the car. Is that understood?"

Beast Boy couldn't suppress a broad grin. "Yes sir!"

"And don't call me sir... c'mon..."

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

They were all in the T-Car, headed downtown to where Dr. Light was robbing a bank.

"Why do supervillians even bother to rob banks anymore?" Raven groused. "Why don't they break into computers and drain accounts like normal criminals?"

"So that we can more easily protect and serve the good people of Jump City," Cyborg said, pseudo-primly.

Rude said something Raven didn't bother to repeat.

Cyborg parked sideways across the street, blocking one potential getaway for Dr. Light, and the team headed toward the bank, except for Beast Boy, who tried one last time as Robin unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car.

"Robin, can't I -"

"No," Robin said over his shoulder as he ran.

Light himself was coming out of the doorway carrying a heavy briefcase, which looked incongruous with his garish black and white uniform. "The Titans," he said pleasantly. "I did so hope I would attract your attention."

Raven stepped forward._ It had worked once before... _"Remember me?"

Light's eyes gleamed. "Oh yes. I wanted to see you most of all." He reached into a pouch at his waist and took out a small silver sphere, holding it out to her. "I brought you a gift."

Raven levitated and gathered dark energy. "I don't want anything from you. Azarath Metrion Zinthos -"

As soon as she started "Zinthos," Light released the sphere. It hovered in the air and turned, and as she finished the word a small portal slid open in it and wrapped her in a blanket of blinding white lights which began flashing in a strobe pattern. Raven shut her eyes tightly and shook her head, disoriented.

"Isn't it nice?" Light asked. "I had Gizmo make it for me. It's calibrated to your voice patterns. Speak your little magic words and you get your own personal light show. And fifteen seconds after that – lights out."

Starfire, Cyborg, and Robin were closing on Dr. Light but it was too late; a massive concussive force aimed at Raven exploded out of the sphere, knocking her backwards through the air. She managed to block some of it but fatigue had slowed her reflexes; she hit the ground only partially-shielded, slid ten feet across the pavement, and rolled into a crumpled heap.

Struggling to rise, Raven vaguely heard a car door slam and running feet. "Raven? Are you okay?"

"Get in the car," she muttered, stunned, "Stay in the car..." The side of her her head felt like it was on fire. Beast Boy helped her sit up. Her cloak and hood were shredded from the long slide across the pavement. Raven pressed her fingers to her cheek and grimaced when they came away tacky with blood and covered with grit. The pain and the hard landing had left her dizzy. Was she concussed? One shoulder didn't feel right, her arm wasn't working... "Beast Boy, get in the car. We can take care of Dr. Light."

He knelt beside her, one arm across her shoulders, staring. His nostrils flared as he smelled her blood and she saw his mouth tighten.

"Beast Boy," she said again, through the pain that was breaking over her head in waves, "Get in the car."

Carefully Beast Boy unhooked the clasp on her ruined cloak and rolled it into a bundle, then slid it gently under her head as he helped Raven lay back. "The car," she said, trying to both sound stern and stay conscious.

He gently touched her face and smiled, then started to rise.

"You'll get in the car –" she murmured, as things started to fade.

"No," he said, turning back to her with that same smile, and she saw too late that his whole body was surrounded with a pulsing red light. "I'm going to kill him."


	18. Chapter 18

Stuck in a car halfway down the street from the bank and Beast Boy was going crazy, knowing he couldn't help. Maybe he should have stayed at home.

He was almost standing up in the backseat but he couldn't see anything as his teammates went to deal with Dr. Light. Then he saw the top of Raven's hood as she levitated, saw her facing off against – something – and then there was a series of light flashes and an explosion.

He saw Raven flying backwards, attempting to raise energy shields before she struck anything. He saw her bad landing and her rolling to a stop. Then not moving.

He forgot Robin's orders the instant she hit the ground. As a matter of fact, he forgot Robin.

By the time he got out of the car and ran to where she was laying, Raven was trying to rise. One arm was stretched out awkwardly, her cloak and hood destroyed. As he tried to help her sit up, Beast Boy noticed the scent of her blood and saw rivulets trickling down the side of her face from a long, nasty scrape. He breathed deeply, catching the coppery tang that mixed with smell of incense from Raven's clothes. The scent of her pain. Her fear.

A burst of energy flared in his chest.

Raven said something but he couldn't make out the words, everything drowned out by a constant, low growl. His body shook with it. As carefully as he could he removed her cloak and wadded it up, placing it underneath her to cushion her head as she lay back.

He knelt beside her, hating himself, remembering what he had said to her in the dream. _There's nothing skinny little funny joke Beast Boy can do to make things better for you... there's nothing..._

The scent of Raven's blood drifted past him again. And he decided.

_There's one thing. _

_One last thing. _

The Beast roared.

**Let me out! **

_Not yet. _

Raven was still trying to tell him something. To get back in the car, probably. He smiled at her and gently touched her face. And rose to his feet.

The noise diminished enough that he could hear her say, "You'll get back in the car..."

Beast Boy turned back to her, still smiling, loving her even more in that moment. "No," he said. "I'm going to kill him."

The growl thrummed in his body as he walked down the street toward Dr. Light. He felt more awake, more alive, than he had ever been. The Beast hammered against his heart, against his ribs, and screamed, **Let me out! **

_Yes_.

He laughed, raising his arms as if the energy pouring through him came from the bright blue morning sky instead of from some endless place deep within his mind. Between one step and the next he changed, surprised at how effortless it was. It felt... completely natural. Twelve feet tall. White-eyed. Tasting every scent on the air and hearing the faintest sounds.

Finally, completely, himself.

Four figures were fighting on the sidewalk in front of the building. One – the Beast sniffed – was the man he was going to kill. The other ones looked familiar. A blue and white figure who seemed to be partially made of metal noticed him first as he padded silently toward them. "Oh, sh – Robin! Robin!"

A slighter green and yellow man turned and saw him. "Beast Boy! No!"

He ignored them; they were not his prey. He wanted the black and white man, the one who seemed to be too scared to run, the one who didn't even resist as the Beast lashed out and grabbed his arm in one huge fist, raising him in the air.

The Beast brought the man near his face and snuffled. Fear and the ozone-laced metal smell of the thing that had hurt his Raven. And – the Beast wrinkled his muzzle – another, acrid, odor. The black and white man had wet his pants.

_**How will I kill him? **_

He felt a stinging on the back of his neck and looked over his shoulder. An orange woman was flying at him and shooting green things that tickled. "Beast Boy, stop! You must put him down!"

He ignored her.

The blue and white metal man grabbed the arm that held the black and white man and tried to pull it down. He failed. Desperately he shook the Beast's arm. "B! I know you're in there! C'mon, damn it!"

The Beast looked down at the blue and white man, eyes narrowed. He did look familiar... Memory sluggishly returned. _Cyborg_. That was his name.

The Beast looked at the man he was holding, who appeared to have fainted. _Dr. Light. _

He glanced around. _Robin. Starfire. _

_They won't like this. They will hate me. I will go to prison for the rest of my life. _

_I don't care._

He grabbed Dr. Light's other arm and slowly lifted him, preparing to tear him in half. Starbolts prickled against his shoulders and the back of his head. He felt Cyborg punching his arms. Robin kicked at his legs, trying to make him fall. It didn't matter.

A tiny, Beast Boy-shaped part of his mind thought, _Raven wasted two weeks of her life. All that time training me and it didn't work. She worked so hard. What a waste. Just like the rest of my life. A stupid waste. _

"_Of course it worked." _

The voice – a weak thread that only faintly brushed his mind – nevertheless stopped him completely. _Raven? Are you all right? _

"_I'll live. But I won't visit you if you go to jail." _

The Beast smiled mirthlessly at the man who flopped limply in his hands. _It's too late. I couldn't stop the change. Everything you did was for nothing. _

Raven found enough strength to reply sharply, _"Do you __**ever**__ pay attention? Listen to yourself. You're thinking. You're considering consequences. You're Beast Boy. You're you." _

_But I - _

"_You're a different shape. So what? You are you. And you are not a murderer." _

The Beast snarled. _He hurt you! He made you bleed! _

"_I promise you. If you kill him you will hurt me far worse. And I will **not** forgive you." _

Frustrated, angry, scared of what he had almost done, the Beast let out a roar that rattled nearby windows. _There is nothing I can do for you! I can't help you! _

"_Just stop -"_ already faint, the voice was fading further. _"Just stop. And come back." _

The Beast lowered Dr. Light (uninjured but terrified) and handed him to Cyborg. Then he went back to Raven.

Dropping to his knees beside her, he saw that her eyes were barely open and she was trying to smile at him.

_I can't change back. _

"Don't be stupid," she said weakly. "Of course you can."

The Beast rested his fists on his thighs and lowered his head, closing his eyes. His chant filled him with a familiar, restful energy. The growl ebbed away. He felt a hand touch his knee and opened his eyes to find himself again in his human form.

Raven blinked at him sleepily. "See?"

As carefully as he could, he helped her sit up, leaning close, preparing to morph to something that could lift her and take her to the T-Car and from there to a hospital. But he had to tell her something first. "Raven – I'm so sorry – "

She shook her head and winced, regretting it. "You got it under control. I saw. I told you. You have a strong heart."

He froze, staring at her. She looked back at him, no hood to hide her eyes, no cloak to hide in, still half-smiling. He stuttered, "But that was a dream -"

"No. The two of us shared a vision."

"Then I –" he had to swallow to get the words out, and they ended on a squeak anyway - "I kissed you."

"Yes."

His face was so hot, he was sure he was blushing vermilion. "Then I'm really, _really_ sorry –"

Raven reached out with her good arm and pulled him closer, looking into his eyes as he had looked into hers before. She raised her mouth to his and suddenly they were kissing again. He was gentle because she was hurt, and careful because of the rage that had threatened to engulf him earlier, and tender because his heart was overflowing again and he almost couldn't stand it.

After an eternity or so she drew away and said, with a ghost of the old snap in her voice, "You should be. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it." Now she really did smile. "We'll just have to find out."

_The end. _

_Thank you everybody who read and reviewed and commented. I am not confident at all about my fiction writing abilities. Your kindness was so wonderful. Thank you thank you thank you. _

_If you have story ideas please feel free to PM me. _

_I am in your debt. _

_- Stumblefoot _


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